Complicated

Let's start off by saying that everything's royally fucked up. The world went to shit... when i say went to shit...? Sounds as if there was a point in time where it's was anything other, and i don't really think that that's the case. I think that it was always shit. Maybe because of the balance. You see, it's necessary for everything to have its opposite. Something that will balance it all out. The obvious light and dark, truth and a farce, right and wrong. The underdog and the aggressor.

It's a thing that switches, a thing that varies, the dark never stays dark if you shed some light on it. You may keep the light on it as long as forever, but the moment forever ends, the dark goes back to itself, and then it's just that. The dark. But people? People are a bit more complicated. Maybe that's the grey area i was thinking about my whole life? You see, some things are just not as simple as talking about the dark. Because in that analogy, the underdog fights his whole damn life, and lets the lines to get blurry and ends up the aggressor, that would mean that his role in this life is just being that, the underdog, and nothing more. Even if he prevails, and makes himself to be more, he's nothing more than what he used to be. He becomes worse, maybe to come back to what he once was, and stays as something he always was. And that's not true, I don't believe that for a second. The analogy's wrong.

See, who the fuck even gets to assign those roles to us? No one. We assign those ourselves. Maybe that's the thing about people, when i said it's a bit more complicated, maybe that's the belief? Maybe it's about how we see ourselves, what we believe we are? I mean, we fall victim to all sorts of fucked up shit life throws our way, but calling ourselves victims? Tends to stick around don't you think. Acknowledging that something happened, acknowledging your identity, things that make you who you are, is not the same as letting those same things define you. I am not my struggles. I've been to hell and back and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but that's not who i am. When my best friend sees me, she doesn't see the trauma, she doesn't see me crying on her shoulder every time something reminds me of my loss. She sees me. As a person, and she doesn't let my experiences define me. My actions on the other hand, is something that should. Be it right or wrong, it's what i've done personally, that should define me and let her trust me, or not to trust me.

It's a risk, even when you know the history someone's been through. You can analyze, or overanalyze; you can even think you're one step in front of someone, but people are, in fact so complicated, that you never know when is the time they'll finally snap, and do something that you could never foresee. Because their history doesn't have anything to do with that. Their hardships, or safe surroundings, don't mean shit when the time to choose comes. Do it? Don't? We grow and change every day; we evolve? We evolve. It all falls down to trust at some point. We believe in who we are, we grow, we fuck up and we make up for it. Some people don't. Some people don't want to. Vanity? Or their core? How do you decide their core is bad? Or good? Or anything at all?

It's trust. It's a risk. A risk that at some point, you're just not willing to take. So you push away until there's nothing to be pushed away. And now you're alone you say? Wonder how that happened.