Thinking out loud and writing it down.
May be bullshit, but it's my train of thought.
Most of the time it won't make sense, and at this point i may believe that nothing makes sense at all anymore. And i say, may believe, because i'm not really sure what i believe anymore too. I don't know, maybe all people feel like this sometimes, maybe just a few and maybe none, except for me. (But that thing "am i the only one.." usually, you're not. Most of the time. Maybe 99.9999% of the time. Yes i'm pulling that percentage out of my ass.) Where was i. Yeah, the intoduction, this is an introduction to "what the fuck is even going on in my head anymore, i don't know, but hey, i refuse to write poetry until my heart heals so this will have to do".
No, i am not calling this "project" that way but it does have a nice ring to it, no? Probably not, but who cares. I'm 21, and immature, many would say. I had my fair share of shit in my life that i had to deal with when i wasn't really ready to. But hey, we all turn into adults one way or the other, the transitioning isn't really smooth for everyone, anyone, maybe. I don't know, me is the only one i felt transition from a scared shitless kid to an adult in a short period of time, so i can't speak for anyone else. I can just speak for myslef, so this is what you get. Immature, because why the fuck not.
Put on some makeup and wear a pretty blouse and the people you want to be taken seriously by will take you seriously. Throw in a word or two you picked up online two nights ago and have yet to grasp its full meaning, and you're set. Yep. That's my point, you bullshit your way through. And while you're trying your best not to call your mom and tell her to pick you up from uni because you feel uncomfortable in your own skin while everyone else around you seems to have it together, while you're trying your best to perserve the person you want everyone to see you as, you get lost. I got lost. Said it already, can't speak for anyone else, so this is how i feel. Yeah we got that so movin' along.
Adulting is hard as fuck. Responsabilities pile up and suddenly there's no time to collect emblems from dungeons and get good enough gear to kill the Lich King, and somehow, that's the exact point when i realized that, yes, i'm an adult and i fucking suck at it. And coffee gets cold, and you forget to set an alarm for that 8am class, and thank god you don't have to work to pay for uni because how do people actually do it?? That's not only strength, it's fucking endurance and motivation and punctuality and JESUS. I mean, i don't mean religion, i mean Jesus fucking Christ on a stick you know. Respect for those people. And positive energy becuse what else can i fucking offer.
This was supposed to be an intoduction to whatever the fuck this is. No, i will not go back and revise this, correct mistakes or whatever. This'll be raw and as honest as i can make it out to be. No half truths. God i hate those, yeah. If some things seem to be contradicting, well guess what, they are probably in contradiction and i'm not answering any questions here, i'm just writing my thoughts as they come and challange each other. Does that even make any sense? It does to me, but like, to you? To anyone else? Is there anyone out there?
To be understood, maybe you have to possess something to be understood for it to actually, be understood. And this is where i get off tonight.
May be bullshit, but it's my train of thought.
Most of the time it won't make sense, and at this point i may believe that nothing makes sense at all anymore. And i say, may believe, because i'm not really sure what i believe anymore too. I don't know, maybe all people feel like this sometimes, maybe just a few and maybe none, except for me. (But that thing "am i the only one.." usually, you're not. Most of the time. Maybe 99.9999% of the time. Yes i'm pulling that percentage out of my ass.) Where was i. Yeah, the intoduction, this is an introduction to "what the fuck is even going on in my head anymore, i don't know, but hey, i refuse to write poetry until my heart heals so this will have to do".
No, i am not calling this "project" that way but it does have a nice ring to it, no? Probably not, but who cares. I'm 21, and immature, many would say. I had my fair share of shit in my life that i had to deal with when i wasn't really ready to. But hey, we all turn into adults one way or the other, the transitioning isn't really smooth for everyone, anyone, maybe. I don't know, me is the only one i felt transition from a scared shitless kid to an adult in a short period of time, so i can't speak for anyone else. I can just speak for myslef, so this is what you get. Immature, because why the fuck not.
Put on some makeup and wear a pretty blouse and the people you want to be taken seriously by will take you seriously. Throw in a word or two you picked up online two nights ago and have yet to grasp its full meaning, and you're set. Yep. That's my point, you bullshit your way through. And while you're trying your best not to call your mom and tell her to pick you up from uni because you feel uncomfortable in your own skin while everyone else around you seems to have it together, while you're trying your best to perserve the person you want everyone to see you as, you get lost. I got lost. Said it already, can't speak for anyone else, so this is how i feel. Yeah we got that so movin' along.
Adulting is hard as fuck. Responsabilities pile up and suddenly there's no time to collect emblems from dungeons and get good enough gear to kill the Lich King, and somehow, that's the exact point when i realized that, yes, i'm an adult and i fucking suck at it. And coffee gets cold, and you forget to set an alarm for that 8am class, and thank god you don't have to work to pay for uni because how do people actually do it?? That's not only strength, it's fucking endurance and motivation and punctuality and JESUS. I mean, i don't mean religion, i mean Jesus fucking Christ on a stick you know. Respect for those people. And positive energy becuse what else can i fucking offer.
This was supposed to be an intoduction to whatever the fuck this is. No, i will not go back and revise this, correct mistakes or whatever. This'll be raw and as honest as i can make it out to be. No half truths. God i hate those, yeah. If some things seem to be contradicting, well guess what, they are probably in contradiction and i'm not answering any questions here, i'm just writing my thoughts as they come and challange each other. Does that even make any sense? It does to me, but like, to you? To anyone else? Is there anyone out there?
To be understood, maybe you have to possess something to be understood for it to actually, be understood. And this is where i get off tonight.
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